By Gabrielle Jackson
12.25pm: In my euphoria last night, I did not realise how
much pain I was in. But I did notice it when I got into bed and my knees were
throbbing in pain. I was in agony and could not sleep even though I was
exhausted. So I got up, did some stretches and went back to bed. No luck. Still
pain in my knees and all the way down the front of my legs. So I got up again
and took two Paracetomol. They worked and I fell into a deep sleep. I didn’t
hear the bells chime at 3.30am even though they chime very loudly for at least
a minute and then the dogs howl too. Cassi saw my light wasn’t on when she was
passing and came and knocked on my door.
The dawn session was hideous. I could barely walk, let alone
meditate while walking. I was sore and grumpy and having great difficulty
maintaining the effort of focusing on my breathing.
I was like a zombie at breakfast and then came back to my
room, lay down and fell asleep immediately for almost two hours, thereby
missing the first one-and-a-half hours of the morning session. And that wasn’t
much better.
9.29pm: Today was disastrous. I could only sit for 15
minutes at a time by the end of the day. But something amazing happened nonetheless:
I started having these visions and then my body jolted. Very weird.
10.34pm: Cassi just came in and we’ve been talking for an
hour. She says ‘having visions’ and then ‘jolting’ is called dreaming and waking
up, not reaching some higher plane of meditation. Damn.
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