Vagina. Half the world has one

By Gabrielle Jackson

It was in response to the bodyform brouhaha in October that I changed my Facebook status to ‘Vagina’.
 

What happened, for those who missed it, was a young man wrote on the Facebook page of bodyform – a sanitary word, sorry, products brand – asking why they lie about women’s periods in their commercials. Bodyform responded with a humorous YouTube clip saying that when they tested adverts telling the truth about menstruation men couldn’t handle it. They cried.

You can view it here:

Well, big whoop if they cry. I cry pretty much every time I have my period, but it still comes. Every month.

The Guardian didn’t think bodyform went far enough. Neither do I. Because what annoyed me more than ads for pads was the fact that we’re not allowed to say ‘vagina’ on TV. Well, you are actually 'allowed' to say it on TV in most Western countries, but it isn't often said, and when it is, there are complaints, such as when Carefree said the word in one of its commercials in Australia. You can read that story on Mumbrella. 

That illustrates the bigger issue at play here, which Sarah Silverman gets at in her snort-laugh-inducing book, The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption and Pee.

"There's essentially no limit to how often we can say 'penis', 'balls', 'scrotum', and 'shaft', but female anatomical language is a big, flapping red flag (so to speak),' says Silverman speaking about her show on Comedy Central, a channel owned by MTV.

She does admit that 'gaping rectum' in reference to a male was once censored but it's almost always the exclusively female genatalia that the standards people take issue with. Once she wasn't allowed to say 'vagina' because it was too graphic and was substituted with 'genatalia'. ('Vagina' does get through on other occasions). In this instance, it was 'labia' that was about to be scrapped.

"According to the censor, 'labia', in this instance was too 'graphic' and we were asked to remove it. Labia? Fucking seriously? We can say 'penis' and 'balls' until the cows come home, but labia? I asked our censor if this is what she wanted to teach young girls - that penis is fine and balls are funny but labia - your own body part - is dirty? It was not a stretch to me to view this as telling little girls to be ashamed of their bodies, which genuinely offended me," writes Silverman.

 In that case, she won. But on the whole, I'd say we're generally losing.
 

That’s why I thought I should make it my status update. You know, just get it off my chest at last: ‘OK, world, there’s something you should know about me. Not sure if you already do….BUT….I have a vagina!’

That’s what I wrote on Twitter and immediately lost followers. And to them I say, ‘Hahahahahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!’

It’s not dirty or rude or disgusting. It’s pretty much the reason we’re all here. We all entered the world through one, so it’s pretty funny, if you think about it. We’re not allowed to say on TV what half the world has and the other half (roughly) wants (to enter, not to possess). Have you ever heard of anything so RIDICULOUS?

Well, perhaps the conversation that ensued comes close. I’ve recreated the conversation and deleted surnames here to protect the identities of those involved. They might not want the public to know they engaged in a conversation about VAGINAS.

Gabrielle Jackson 

Vagina

Nick and Joe like this.

Helen: thought your favorite term for it is 'front bottom (1 like)

Margaret What!

Kate Gabbs. If I were a boy I'd def hit the "like" button for this one. And no you can't blame angus!!

Gabrielle I am doing it in response to the fact that you are not allowed to say 'vagina' on television. Pad and tampon companies who wanted to use the word on an advert were BANNED by the networks in the US. I am investigating the situation now. In the meantime, this is pretty funny: https://apps.facebook.com/theguardian/commentisfree/2012/oct/17/bodyform-bloodless-snark-attack

Gabrielle But if you think we should be allowed to use the word - because HALF the world has one - you should change your status too. AND Sarah Silverman was allowed to use the word penis in her show, but not vagina. WHY?

Gabrielle I'm glad you liked Helen's comment, Mum, because that's what you called it when we were little

Margaret Oh I know! Catholic upbringing is to blame, the words vagina and penis spoken out loud could have led to excommunication! (1 like)

Simone This is so funny because [my 6-year-old son,] angus asked me this morning if there was another name for 'front bum' & after our conversation with Jess in the Hunter I told him ' Yes, it's called a Vagina". He said 'What? A Begina?" I said "No, Vagina" & he was not impressed at all!! Think we'll just stick to Front Bum thanks! (5 likes)

Gabrielle that is hilarious, sim! I'm glad he knows the proper word for it

Margaret Hilarious! However vagina is not a "nice" sounding word, I wish it was called something else!

Gabrielle Reminds me of the scene from Rake last week! Should we call it a weewee? That sounds nicer (2 likes)

Margaret Thinking about Rake what about calling it a ninny? Then we could have a ninny and a nonny. (1 like)

Gabrielle I think you've solved the problem, mum! (1 like)

Julieanne Wats up with the good old fanny!! (2 likes)

Gabrielle We were allowed to call it that when we were older, Jules

Sheri Foo foo was a favourite growing up... My little guy uses the term weenis because mark calls it a willy and I call it a penis and this the blend was born so maybe the vagina needs to be a voo voo...(1 like)

Nick I had to press the like button Gabs - its not often that's the first word you read when you wake up! X (1 like)

Wendy I quite like fahina - it's also urban slang for 'the boss', so that works for me. (4 likes)

Jenny What about cloaca ? In agriculture I think I recall that was the name of a chicken's bits.

Gabrielle How do you pronounce that Jen? I also wrote vagina on twitter and three people immediately stopped following me, which is more than a little amusing (1 like)

Jenny Clo. Aka

Gabrielle Hmm, something tells me that's not going to work. I think ninny and nonny are currently in the lead (1 like)

Nick @Gabs - re Twitter. Can't believe one could ever stop following vagina...! (2 likes)

Margaret Hey Gabs Fred has just read all these comments and wants to add to them. He says "beaver" and "ferret" are his particular favourites! Both terms should be immediately disregarded as far as I'm concerned but just saying.....

Karen Hilarious comments. Always called it "Wee wee" with my kids. (2 likes)

Eirwen I was born in the city of Regina, in Canada. It's pronounced the same as vagina, but with an R. I can't tell you the looks I get when people ask me where I was born. Hilarious! I love to see them squirm, thinking I've just said vagina!! (1 like)

What do you call your vagina (if you have one) or penis (if you have one)? And what words do you teach your kids to say for vagina and penis?