Watch a film about the Holocaust and walk through a cemetary - then tell me you've got real problems.

by Katherine Burgdorf.

I have spent the last two years unpacking the boxes of my mind. Many were marked 'fragile' and all of them were woeful. Had they been labelled they would have read something like 'Status', 'Comparison', 'Anger', 'Anticipation', 'Expectations' and 'Deservedness'. One of them was marked 'PMT - This way up you idiot'.

I don't mind telling you it's been something of a chore - like starting a session of Spring cleaning and still being surrounded by mess in Autumn.

But about a month ago I realised I had nothing to worry about. To continue the analogy the only box left was the one with my personality in it. It's not a neat filing case but it's no worse than anyone else's...and it's got loads of room in it. I realised I'd narrowed down the things I'll worry about to four. I told someone this at work and they thought I was crazy. 'Why would you list out the things you're going to worry about?' they said. But they had it wrong. I just meant that if it's not on the following list I'll have to think seriously before getting wound up:

1. my husband's health
2. my sisters and their families, including my sister in law and her family
3. cancer
4. my marriage

If there's a problem with anything to do with that list it's automatically classified as 'All out panic'. If it isn't on that list, like whether my pension is likely to be big enough in 40 year's time, then try not to worry unnecessarily.

Life, as it turns out, is really not so bad for me. So when I ask which phase of my life is the best, it has to be now. I don't own a pair of rose coloured glasses. While I had fun in my 20s what I remember most is vague or not-so-vague anxiety about my place in the world.

People often groan at the way I see the world. I'd be flattered if I really was that different but here are the things I find useful to think about at 33 and one-quarter.

1. When in trouble, ask yourself whether it will matter when you're 80. Instant perspective.

2. Watch documentaries and films about African poverty and the Holocaust. Very few of us have any real problems.

3. We will all be dead very soon. Wander through a cemetery. It's one of the most refreshing things you can do.

4. If you do one thing in life, ditch the sense of righteous expectation. No one owes you anything, no matter how many times your mother said it was all about school grades/kids/marriage/getting on the property ladder. Your life can turn to utter crap in a second, or over years. It might be your fault, it might not.

5. Women: If you regularly feel like you're going to kill a) yourself and/or b) other people I pass on the wonderful recommendation of B vitamins and Evening Primrose Oil. Because while it's galling to be afflicted with PMT (when you righteously expect to be above that kind of thing, see point 4) you cannot argue against hormones without some help.

Of course, my 5 pieces of advice as are useless to you as they are useful to me. If I gave the above advice to my 25-year-old self I'd have nodded wisely, thought I'd got it, and completely ignored it in practice. Success is probably best summarised as getting by as best you can with your silly problems until you die, or cannot live with them any longer. You'll either find a way to change them, or not.