Meditating with monks: day one

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By Gabrielle Jackson

Having arrived yesterday afternoon, this was my first full day at the retreat.

7.01am: So much for mindfulness. I woke up at 3.30 when the bells chimed for the four o’clock start, thought, ‘I don’t need half an hour to get ready’, promptly fell back to sleep and woke up at five minutes to four. I ran to the hall buttoning up my shirt as I ran, counting on the fact that everybody else would be there and not notice me not noticing. I did notice, however, that buttons are incredibly hard to do up while running.

11.30: I think ‘mindfulness’ means ‘go slow’. When eating you take a mouthful and then put your utensils down. You have to chew everything and only once you’ve swallowed every last bit may you pick up your fork again. No wonder breakfast takes an hour and a half! When I saw there was an hour-and-a-half for breakfast and two hours for lunch, I thought I’d have loads of free time. Not likely! I’ve never seen people eat so slowly. I find it incredibly frustrating. My whole family eats like our lives depend on finishing first. We blame our mum, who was one of eight kids in a really poor family. Whoever finished first got first dibs on seconds. Hardly fair, but that’s the way the Chudleigh family did business.

Then there is the pain of sitting cross-legged for an hour. The pain starts in the mid to lower back and works its way up. About 18 minutes in, my left leg starts to ache. By 20 minutes, there are pins and needles, and before the half hour is out the foot is completely numb. As hard as I try I cannot feel it or wiggle a toe. By this time my right knee is sore and my right foot is starting to go. By the end of the week, we’re supposed to be able to sit in one position for the full hour. How can I concentrate on my abdomen rising and falling, which is what one does while meditating, when I’m in so much pain?

Now I know what Sayadaw was talking about when he said yogis feel ‘upset, angry, agitated and itchy’. I must be a yogi!

9.45pm: Well, that was one of the hardest days of my life. Up at 3.30 (or 3.55 as the case may be), breakfast at 6, lunch at 10.30 and no food since then. I have sat on the floor meditating for a total of seven hours. I have walked for four hours. Every bone in my body aches. My joints feel like they might just break apart. Everything itches since we’re not allowed to scratch. I have sweat dripping all over my body. I’m tired. I’m frustrated. I’m hungry. I’m going to bed. 

Read about the arrival day
and Day two